Hello Sweethearts,
My goodness, it has been too long since I’ve written to you. Sometimes I think of my writing to you as the only tangible thing that makes me a “good” mother to you. The months and years slip by and I never seem to be able to hold onto much. I misplace baby clothes, precious drawings, forget to leave a dollar for what seems like the 10th lost tooth this month. Things slip through the cracks every single day and so I am left wondering: What have I given that you will carry with you always? After all is said and done, what remains?
Despite all that is on our plates, it is not difficult to find things to marvel at. Ophelia, you have grown so much in your first grade year. The fall was rough for you. Leaving the soft cocoon of Kindergarten and entering the world of desks and schedules and diminished choice left you in a bit of a tailspin. It was hard for me and Daddy to watch you struggle so much…and to know deep down that you needed that struggle to grow. But you came out a stronger, more capable girl. You are a voracious writer, which of course delights me so. You churn out little books of poetry a few times a week, share them readily with a courage I wish I possessed. You are a prolific maker of all sorts. I often come home from work to find you have knitted something using sharpened pencils as needles or bits of beeswax have become tiny dolls you’ve made for your sister. The corners of our house seem to burst with your creativity.
Theta, you are a kick in the pants. You always have and always will be someone who others are drawn to. Near strangers often comment on your boldness, the fierce energy emanating from such a tiny human. You embody a mixture of defiance for the rules and sheer thrill seeking. In short, you’re my kinda gal! I love the way you use your hands and how your strength. You can be withholding of approval or affection unless someone has spent the time to get to know you. I love it! You’re nobody’s darling! This year has not been easy for you either. With work pulling me in so many directions and swallowing so many of my hours, you have flailed. I’m sorry, my Theta girl. I promise that summertime will be a sweet reunion for us.
My brave and funny daughters, you humble me. I often think back to being a new mother and how self-righteous I felt that I was making all the best choices. Oh yes, I knew that all of my homebirthing, breastfeeding, cosleeping etc. must have shaped you into the wonderful human beings that you are. And sure, I hope some of that played a role, but my sneaking suspicion is that even without those things, you would be just as amazing. You are incredible in and of yourselves.
I love you forever and ever,
Mama